A Rare Window of Clarity

A photo of four teenage girls, wearing black, leading a march down a street in Nashville, Tennessee. Three girls carry bullhorns. One girl's fist is raised in the air and she is shouting. In the background are other marchers carrying Black Lives Matter signs, and city buildings.
Credit: Alex Kent via the Lily

There was a moment last year when the impact of the unspoken white and male supremacy in our society was crystal clear.

I was having dinner with a friend/client who is a trans woman and was a candidate for public office at the time.

She was so self-assured. She didn’t wonder if she was qualified to do the job. She didn’t question whether her priorities were in the right place. She wasn’t worried about whether she could be a good parent and do the job at the same time.

She had no imposter syndrome.

I won’t lie. I was a little jealous.

Then the light bulb went on. She’d been socialized as a man for 50 years.

White men don’t question themselves the way we do. They were taught that they are enough. They learn that they are qualified. The default is yes.

My friend is gloriously free of the socially-constructed insecurity that we impose on girls from the very beginning.

No one ever says “Brian, you are right all the time! You can do no wrong.” Or “Brianna, you’re never right! You’re wrong.”

But they do say to Brianna “Be careful how much you talk about yourself. People will think you’re self-centered!”

Or “Someone will recognize your accomplishments and say it for you. Otherwise, it sounds like you’re bragging.”

Or “You talk too much! It’s not polite. Let others speak. “

My friend didn’t hear or absorb any of that nonsense. (To be clear, as a trans woman, she hears and rejects all kinds of other nonsense.)

She is who she’s meant to be.

How would things be different in the world if all girls grew up with my friend’s confidence?